Denise Brouillette

Any time you have to get things done with and through others, you have to consider the concept of underlying needs -- the personal and professional drivers that must be met before they will agree to anything. 

In our everyday work discussions, we make requests of others and they make requests of us -- we want something of them and/or they want something from us. And although people may tell us what they want, they often skip letting us know what's truly driving their requests.

How do we know there are drivers that aren't being met? The first indicator is resistance to whatever it is that we're asking of them. Responses that indicate some resistance is present vary from "absolutely not" to "maybe" or "I'll have to see about that."

Your work then is to...

• Make sure you hear and understand the want -- the request.
• Recognize that behind the want is probably a driver that they may or may not be willing to reveal.
• Know how to ask the right questions that will help figure out that driver.
• Find a workable option that satisfies their driver and moves them to "yes."   

Wants, Drivers and Options...What Are They?

The Want.  A want is a specific request. There is only one way to meet a want. For example, "I want you to replace me in next Monday's meeting." You'd have to show up at the meeting in place of that person in order to fill that specific request. Meeting a want, depending on what it is, may only offer short-term gratification. 

Driver  The driver is a basic requirement and what's just underneath want. There is usually more than one way to satisfy a driver. There may be many driving forces but their priority levels are rarely the same. Fulfilling a primary driver usually offers longer-term satisfaction. 

Example: Prem wants an ex-pat assignment to Singapore for 6 months.  That's her want and there's only one way to meet it.  But if you understand her need -- her driving force -- which is to broaden her international experience so that she can get promoted, there may be a host of other ways you can do that without sending her on 6-month ex-pat assignment to Singapore.

Options To Meet Drivers.  An option is an available alternative when what they're asking for (the want) cannot be met. Never offer someone an option you may not be able to deliver on. Specific options meet specific drivers. A low-priority option doesn't satisfy a high-priority driver.

If you jump from hearing what someone wants to offering them alternatives, you've missed the most important part of the discussion -- understanding what's driving them to say "no" to you.  

Example:  An employ says, "I want a 10% salary increase within 3 months."  Their request may have less to do with money than with recognition and appreciation which may be the drivers behind what they're asking. If it's recognition or appreciation they need, you may have many options to offer them aside from a 10% salary increase. After exploring the drivers behind the request, you might offer them a smaller increase, plus another form of recognition -- possibly more challenging work, and appreciation in the form of a one-time bonus. One or both of these might satisfy them.

Example:  An employee says, "I'd like to telecommute from home 2 days a week starting next month." This request might have any one of a number of drivers beneath it. For instance, (1) peers at this person's level are working from home. He wants parity with his peer group, or (2) there are fewer interruptions and he can concentrate better at home, and because of that, get better results.

If the primary driver for telecommuting is "fewer interruptions for better concentration and results, " you could offer to move his cube to a very private area. If the driver for telecommuting is parity among peers, and you absolutely cannot give him 2 days a week at home, together you could figure out another option that would satisfy his/her need for parity.

The point to remember is that when you hear resistance, think driver. Once you identify the primary driver, you'll be in a better position to generate workable options.